Sunday, August 28, 2011

anecdote # 203 - weirdo

stranger arrived, declared us "friends" —

as proof recounted the times I arrived at
and left work, as he observed from his apartment.

how much of blogging is refusing myself privacy
so no one can hold over me "having special knowledge"?


Lodo Grdzak said...

You've got 2 strong threads going on here! But is it (1) post?

Pearl said...

I think it's one. it may not be the space to unpack it sufficiently to show the leap.

he was a point at which I declared you have no hold over me. I started blogging. what I write to myself changed in tone to be more journalistic. my life is public in part because I reacted against that close breath that people do when they insist don't tell or it will go badly for you.

he was one of the points of departure that year whose blackmail attempts (and there was one other person that same year) made the unintentional argument to me that opposing secrecy is a way out of the rules of play such power-seekers try to impose.

by living more publicly rather than keeping the privacy I had before was a turning point of refusing him and all the ones like him before and that would yet come. setting my own rules of engagement.

the new twist for myself is whether this route is any more effective than the old, keep head down, say nothing, dress and walk modestly and don't call it and fight back against such nonsense.

I'm still reacting. my inner jury is out whether this means I'm alive or still intimidated and sustaining the intimidation for myself, or what started with roots there became something other than defence since then.

Pearl said...

he was not just this story but ongoing issue for the better part of 8 months until ejected from the program after complaints from various directions of questionable threatening behaviour.

Lodo Grdzak said...

Hmmm. As someone who writes under a pseudonym, I can't help but be interested in the subject matter. You captured a lot in 40 words! And yet as always, there's so much more.

Pearl said...

there's always more. even when one's dead, you should see the more of how the worms carry on. ;)

catching the right bits in 40 words is the trick for the truck.