pounced me every time
I ate something she considered "weird"
or whenever I was visibly tired,
with wiggly pronouncements
of my pregnancy.
she "could tell".
I finally ultimatumed her:
each time you assure me I'm pregnant
you're accusing me
of screwing around
because that vasectomy was years ago.
(that made her swallow her lips.)
once I blurted:
omg, in my dream last night
you were pregnant with my child!
she beelined away, skipped break chat.
(now *that* was an accident.)